The Voice of London Episode XIII
So I'm lying awake in bed and it's all four in the morning and shit and I'm thinking, shit. I can't sleep but what the hell else am I going to do? It's not like I can go sit in the living room and watch TV. Or go and sit anywhere, really. There's a couch in this room but sitting on it isn't going to do me any good. I share this room with two other people and they're both sleeping so I can't turn on the light. In bed there's just enough light coming in the window for me to write this, but it's not enough to read a book. I could go to the bathroom or maybe the kitchen to read but neither of those options is very appealing. I could close my eyes and keep trying to sleep but if I fall asleep now I probably won't wake up till at least noon. So should I stay awake? I'd pretty much have to cancel any plans I had for tomorrow evening. Fortunately I don't have any. But that still leaves me with the problem of what I'm going to do till morning. I don't really want to spend the next few hours straining to follow my pen as it scratches across this dimly illuminated page. What would I rather be doing? Entering my fourth hour of sleep is pretty high up the list.
I can never get enough to drink here. I don't have enough fridge space to store the amount of orange juice I want to consume. If I'm lucky I can have three or four one litre cartons in there at a time, but that wouldn't last me a week. Why don't they sell frozen juice concentrate here? Or cans of black beans? I made bean dip with two cans of brown but it's just not the same. At least I found reasonably priced taco chips. You have to buy them in 100 gram bags but they're only 19p each. Of course that's small consolation when the bean dip is subpar and I don't have a food processor to make guacamole. Or hummus. They've got good cheeses over here. I can't fault them that. But then I wasn't complaining about the cheese selection before I left either. Still haven't found a veggie burger better than Cousin's (or even just as good), and I've had lots. From at least half a dozen different places.
So there's this guy, right? And he falls asleep for twenty years (it's actually 22 years but whatever). He wakes up and finds that his wife has moved on and he's pretty bummed but he figures it's to be expected. He learns his parents have died and that bums him out too but they died peacefully after a long life so he takes some consolation in that. His dog had by now passed on as well but he was still just a puppy when the guy fell asleep so the attachment hadn't grown too strong yet. Once he's brought up to speed in his personal life he goes out to see the new world and finds that it costs twice as much to mail a letter, five times as much for a cup of coffee, there have been four new presidents, a new pope, computers are a hundred times faster, there are wars going on in countries he's never heard of, and they stopped making his favourite candy bar. So he thinks to himself, well, at least my clothes are still in fashion. Later he got hit by a bus. I'm not sure if that story is original or not. I probably got it from that movie. You know, the one with Robin Williams. Hook. Or maybe it was Police Academy.
What did you do today? Who do do today? Wahutu do day? Wahoo tutu day? Do who today? To udu to tutu today. Do to today. Who to do to who today? Ooo. Today.
You're not falling for it. I'm armed with barbed wire harder than two tarps in a fire. Bar me art market. Card giver liver. Quiver with the shiver. Spark a target far off in a tar pit. Don't say you didn't like it. Lark it. Hark hack cough it. Stop it. What the hell was the point of all that? If you're asking me and I'm asking me then everybody's asking me. Why should anybody be asking me? I know! I know! Quiet down you rat armed little shit. Take a breath and ask me again. Wait, what? Where'd you go? I'm not asking you again. Flounder on a beach and fuck sheep I'm going to Oahu seven days till I reach the coast Oh my how time flies who are you sailing with I am visiting my grandmother THERE IS NO WOLF I will ride you like a hood Could you? Tell me what you wouldn't do if you had to you you you you take off me stab stab stab I am an investment in my future Future lady why aren't you singing? sing SING sing SING sing stab I am investments I am in vestments THERE IS NO HOLIDAY stab It's showing now. I can see it. It's showing now. I don't want to believe that corner. It's fishy. Too much from the outside. You can't see it. It's showing now.
Cryptonymically yours,
Matthew Hawkins
I can never get enough to drink here. I don't have enough fridge space to store the amount of orange juice I want to consume. If I'm lucky I can have three or four one litre cartons in there at a time, but that wouldn't last me a week. Why don't they sell frozen juice concentrate here? Or cans of black beans? I made bean dip with two cans of brown but it's just not the same. At least I found reasonably priced taco chips. You have to buy them in 100 gram bags but they're only 19p each. Of course that's small consolation when the bean dip is subpar and I don't have a food processor to make guacamole. Or hummus. They've got good cheeses over here. I can't fault them that. But then I wasn't complaining about the cheese selection before I left either. Still haven't found a veggie burger better than Cousin's (or even just as good), and I've had lots. From at least half a dozen different places.
So there's this guy, right? And he falls asleep for twenty years (it's actually 22 years but whatever). He wakes up and finds that his wife has moved on and he's pretty bummed but he figures it's to be expected. He learns his parents have died and that bums him out too but they died peacefully after a long life so he takes some consolation in that. His dog had by now passed on as well but he was still just a puppy when the guy fell asleep so the attachment hadn't grown too strong yet. Once he's brought up to speed in his personal life he goes out to see the new world and finds that it costs twice as much to mail a letter, five times as much for a cup of coffee, there have been four new presidents, a new pope, computers are a hundred times faster, there are wars going on in countries he's never heard of, and they stopped making his favourite candy bar. So he thinks to himself, well, at least my clothes are still in fashion. Later he got hit by a bus. I'm not sure if that story is original or not. I probably got it from that movie. You know, the one with Robin Williams. Hook. Or maybe it was Police Academy.
What did you do today? Who do do today? Wahutu do day? Wahoo tutu day? Do who today? To udu to tutu today. Do to today. Who to do to who today? Ooo. Today.
You're not falling for it. I'm armed with barbed wire harder than two tarps in a fire. Bar me art market. Card giver liver. Quiver with the shiver. Spark a target far off in a tar pit. Don't say you didn't like it. Lark it. Hark hack cough it. Stop it. What the hell was the point of all that? If you're asking me and I'm asking me then everybody's asking me. Why should anybody be asking me? I know! I know! Quiet down you rat armed little shit. Take a breath and ask me again. Wait, what? Where'd you go? I'm not asking you again. Flounder on a beach and fuck sheep I'm going to Oahu seven days till I reach the coast Oh my how time flies who are you sailing with I am visiting my grandmother THERE IS NO WOLF I will ride you like a hood Could you? Tell me what you wouldn't do if you had to you you you you take off me stab stab stab I am an investment in my future Future lady why aren't you singing? sing SING sing SING sing stab I am investments I am in vestments THERE IS NO HOLIDAY stab It's showing now. I can see it. It's showing now. I don't want to believe that corner. It's fishy. Too much from the outside. You can't see it. It's showing now.
Cryptonymically yours,
Matthew Hawkins
posted by Ad Hawk at
12:55 AM
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